Bruises and lack of Snoozes

Have you ever anticipated something so eagerly while also fearing the day of it happening? If not, then you must not be going through IVF or any medical treatment that involves needles which you are afraid of, like me.

It’s Friday, Cycle Day 2 and stim day #1 has finally arrived! It’s been a rather rough week for me and I was really looking forward to the weekend. I feel like I constafullsizerenderntly have to tell myself not to stress out and to just take a breather. Most times it works, sometimes it doesn’t. But I always try to look at the goal ahead. It is such a beautiful thought that at times just that alone takes my stress away. And praying. Take a few minutes, some quiet time where you can talk to God. Tell Him about your struggles, give Him your thanks, and leave your worries in His hands. He always listens, He always answers.

When I came home from work that afternoon I did my usual routine. I can’t lie though; I have been dreading those injections since I woke up in the morning and I have been trying to distract myself all day. I decided to cook dinner early. I just love being in the kitchen, it’s relaxing to me. I wish I had more time lately to really enjoy it. My husband doesn’t eat fish a lot but somehow I convinced him that night. After all, we need a healthy diet especially during this pre IVF stage. So baked Salmon, roasted Kabocha, and black rice it was. Yum! 

Anyways, while we were eating my husband was already reminding me that it is injection time. He had a big smile on his face. Yes, he seemed really excited. I would probably be excited too, if it was me who is administering the shots instead of taking them. While I was cleaning up the kitchen, I suddenly heard my husband watching some video on you tube. I wasn’t thinking much about it until I heard what the video was about; he was watching someone going through IVF showing how to do the injections. And the lady in the video was even on the same protocol as me. Let me just tell you, that was a total “love” moment right there!! Seeing how serious and excited he is about this, and how much he cares just makes my heart skip beats! We ended up finishing watching the video together. I did like getting some reconfirmation on how to inject, but at the same time it just added on to my anxiety. Of course this opened a can for me and I pulled up some more videos just so I can psyche myself out more.

Meanwhile my husband was already taking all the meds out of the fridge. This man was eager! I, on the other hand, was procrastinating as much as I could. I kept trying to find excuses of why we have to wait. It was

1) because the medication was still too cold;
2) because I just ate and needed to digest;
3) maybe we should go walk the dog first, and whatever else I could think of.

Yes, ridiculous, I know!

Finally, I felt like I was ready. So here we were, sitting in the living room, ready to roll with the punches. The nurse told us to alternate sides. We figured we start with the left. I mean, it really doesn’t matter where you start. So, ready, set, go, ehhhm no! I just couldn’t get myself to let him come close to me with that needle. Every time I said I was ready and he was about to inject, I stopped him. I think it took over half hour to get this done with, maybe even longer and I feel pretty silly for reacting the way I did. IT REALLY WAS NOT THAT BAD! The Menopur burned a little while injecting but I already knew that since the nurse was telling us about it, plus from all my research I did. That burning sensation went away just as fast as injecting it was. The Gonal F needle seemed to hurt a bit more but injecting it was super fast. It was not that bad either. I definitely felt more confident that the next day it would be cake.
Processed with Snapseed.

So here’s a little summary of how the last seven days of stimming went:

Saturday, 10/01/16   CD3   Stim day #2
2 vials of 75iu Menopur
225ml Gonal F

The day before I thought to be more confident but behold, I was freaking myself out just as much as I did the first day. We decided to record ourselves during injecting, and I am glad we did. When we watched the video I was just dying laughing at myself. Have you ever watched yourself after doing something (stupid) or acting in a funny way? I saw myself in a whole new light! And my husband – bless his heart. He must have the most patience anyone can have. I just love him!

Sunday, 10/02/16   CD4   Stim day #3
2 vials of 75iu Menopur
225ml Gonal F

Today went by a lot quicker. I still psyched myself out a bit, but it was not as bad as the first couple of days. We also had our second appointment in the morning. I think that might have helped me too. Seeing all these women in the waiting room gave me confidence. I was thinking, “if they can do this, why shouldn’t I be able to do it!”

Our doctor mentioned that I have 4 follicles on each side. Which is good. He said that over the next days we will be seeing more and that we are right on schedule. Next appointment is on Wednesday. He said we could skip the next two days (as it was put down on our schedule). My morning appointments are all scheduled for 7:30 am but since the clinic has a meeting that day my doctor asked me to come in at 7:00 am. This means I have to leave my house super early to beat morning traffic but I was actually really relieved about that. I have been stressing out about having to come in on Wednesday as I was scheduled to work off site that day. My clinic is in town and the meeting I have to attend is on the other side of the island. My boss put a lot of pressure on me being there, needless to say I was stressing out. I have been praying for God to let this all work out and to help me to not stress out so much. And there He was. This was most definitely the answer to my prayer!

Monday, 10/03/16   CD5   Stim day #4
2 vials of 75iu Menopur
225ml Gonal F

I have been really thirsty the last couple of days. It almost seems like it doesn’t matter how much fluids I intake, I still feel dehydrated. I have also started getting a light headache that lasted all day. I’m pretty sure this is from the meds.img_8192 So my husband and I thought we should do something relaxing to take the edge off for me before we do the injections. Facemasks! We slapped them on and laid back for 15 minutes, clearing our head. Well, I at least did. I really felt so much better afterwards. It really is the little things that make such a big difference.

Once it was time for injections I felt pretty good about it. I still couldn’t let him inject me on the first try, but I think we got done in under 15 minutes! Hey, that’s big for me ok!

Tuesday, 10/04/16   CD6   Stim day #5
2 vials of 75iu Menopur
225ml of Gonal F

My headaches are persistent and I have been feeling very thirsty still. I’ve been feeling light twitches around my ovaries and feeling kind of low energy, feeling bloated and not getting enough healthy sleep. The injection sites are starting to have tiny bruises but nothing bad. My body can absolutely feel it though. I have been getting about 3 hours max of sleep until I had to get up to use the restroom. From then on I was just tossing and turning all night. Bleh! Let’s just get the injections over with. The Menopur seemed to have burned a little more and it seems like the Gonal F needle felt duller. But still not as bad.

I also had to remind myself that everything will work out according to God’s plan. I’ve been thinking a lot about the “what ifs” like: “what if this all doesn’t work out?” Keep praying, be patient and put all my hope in Him! I guess I just had one of those days…

img_8242

Wednesday, 10/05/16   CD7   Stim day #6
2 vials of 75iu Menopur
225ml of Gonal F

I arrived at the clinic a little before 7:00 am. The waiting room was packed. I was waiting for probably 20 minutes until I got called in to do my blood work. I was already starting to worry about not making it in time to my meeting but again I worried for nothing. Shortly after my blood draw I went in for my ultrasound. My doctor mentioned everything looks great. I have 5 follicles on the left and 8 on the right. All are measuring from 8mm – 11mm. They are not big enough yet but we are getting there. I think he mentioned they would like to see them grow to at least 18mm and are trying to not do the retrieval before cycle day 11. Doctor mentioned to come back Saturday for another scan and blood work but to call MedVoice in the afternoon in case of any changes. And sure enough there was a change. My protocol stays the same but they want me to come back on Friday already.

That evening we went to Bible study. It felt good to be in church. The message was also great! We have been studying the book of Galatians over the past weeks and the series is called “To reveal His Son in me”(Galatians 1:16). So what do you need to reveal His Son in you?

1) You need the authentic gospel. The word of God. The Bible.
2) You need to live a crucified life.
3) You need the Holy Spirit to live inside of you.
4) Freedom.

Anyways, I just figured I share this.

I was glad to be home, I was just so, so tired. I had a short but kind of exhausting day at work, the lack of sleep is catching up now too. I was so tired that I just let my husband inject me. We got done in a little over 5 minutes. The Menopur burned so much and the needle piercing my skin hurt a lot. I have not felt this any of the days before. I guess it’s maybe because my body needs to recover and rejuvenate? Hoping for some good sleep and that the next day would be better.

Thursday, 10/06/16   CD8   Stim Day #7
2 vial of 75iu Menopur
225 Gonal F

I still didn’t get much sleep. I wish I didn’t have to get up. But what can you do? One more day! I can do this! I pretty much rolled out of bed. It’s the best feeling to wake up with a headache – said no one ever! I was thirsty and feeling slightly nauseous. I just didn’t feel good. When I was getting ready I noticed that, besides my tummy being super big from bloat, I also have a huge bruise now where we injected yesterday. The joys of injections! It doesn’t hurt but it just doesn’t look pretty :[ My stomach is slowly looking like a battlefield covered with battle scars and now bruises. I really can’t wait to get these injections over with! Hopefully the other side doesn’t bruise today.img_8296

I’m glad that the Menopur didn’t burn. Not even a bit. I also didn’t really feel the Gonal needle and I was brave enough to snap a pic while hubby was injecting!Tomorrow is my next appointment. I’m really tired. Praying to God to give me rest tonight.

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